| Shadows |
[26 Apr 2006|12:04pm] |
through these fogy streets,
evil is present in the form,
of that which he sees,
slowly he has become to be,
one of those things,
feeling pity, and mourning for ones soul,
just another one of those,
Soulless creatures roaming this world,
Hallucinating his life as it goes on,
Afraid of what is to come,
Demented after being here so long,
Occasionally feeling life for what it is,
Without all the darkness in this world,
Shifting directions with each change of wind,
roaming along with this fog,
it is what keeps him standing,
along with all the rest,
he too wishes he was dead,
for these things get no sleep,
condemned to roam our streets,
they are the evil,
that is present in both you and me,
ridding the earth of all that should not be,
through these fogy streets,
he has come to be,
another.......shadow...in the fog...
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| Yet to Find |
[26 Apr 2006|12:03pm] |
in your arms,
holding you tight,
is where I find,
my peace of mind,
hearing your breathing,
is what’s keeping me alive,
some say beauty runs skin deep,
but from every pour,
is where yours leaks,
never do I want to leave this place,
far beyond the sky and outer space,
it’s like heaven,
but with only you and me,
you have become a venom,
that runs through my veins,
pumping life back into my brain,
just seeing you,
is worth waking up each day,
all these words I don’t just say,
there what I feel deep inside,
for you I would give my life,
just so you wouldn’t say goodbye,
there’s not much more to say,
except that you’re the reason,
I wake every day,
your smell soothes my soul,
and takes all my troubles away,
because of you I know,
tomorrow will be alright,
now I lay my head to rest,
hopping tomorrow I will find,
this love that will forever keep me alive,
cause you……I am yet …….to….find………
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| Alright |
[26 Apr 2006|12:02pm] |
darkness is approaching,
arriving at a slow and steady pace,
soon my soul will be laid to rest,
my sky’s are no longer blue,
black is in plain view,
I will leave all my pain, agony, and hurt,
when I depart from this world,
my life is filled whit this and more,
inside I’m haunted,
by what I fear most,
every day I’m reminded,
that alone I will go,
my bed will be my casket,
since no one will mourn,
if I’m buried under six feet of dirt,
don’t know why I continue to write,
most of those who read this,
don’t care if and when I die,
but I don’t mind,
since I have no tears to cry,
and now no longer do I try,
to find her and have peace of mind,
though she will be my savior,
in her I will confine,
all my soul and life,
with her…I will be…alright…..
|
|
| Inside |
[26 Apr 2006|12:01pm] |
reaching from the shadows,
I ask you to take a step,
into the world you can't see,
by simply looking at me,
don't be scared by the darkness and demons,
it's MY soul they want to keep,
barricaded by this obscurity,
I know that somewhere,
in this place exists a light,
each day in this place,
I seem to loose some feeling,
pretty soon it’ll be just me,
drowned in my own misery,
now time seems to fade,
as the ticks of the clock,
tick life away,
another day goes by,
still I don’t find this light,
I’ve given up hope,
seems as though,
I’m meant to die alone,
burned all memories of the past,
hoping this pain won’t last,
but in this horrid place,
pain is all I seem to have……..
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|
| Voices Within Me |
[05 Nov 2005|11:44pm] |
i'm feeling nice today,
feel no need to scream,
can't find what I need,
maybe I should bleed,
then someone would see,
how insane,
I've come to be,
cut at my wrist,
and watch me bleed,
now, I feel the need,
to show how,
these voices scream,
since they've become,
part of me,
there the ones hurting,
instead of me,
feeling the urge to see,
how my blood drips,
and hits the ground,
self control,
breaks down,
it's because of the voices,
this need comes to me,
urging to bleed,
just want to tear them out,
and bury them,
deep under ground,
but if I need to bleed,
for them to scream,
ha ha.....then a blade,
ha....is all I need......
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| Insanity |
[05 Nov 2005|12:27am] |
I'm feeling sick today,
feel the need to ache,
I'll tear out all this pain,
watch the blood pour out,
grab this knife and shout,
"I NEED SOMEBODY,SOMEONE!"
as I cut the skin,
right off my bones,
and watch all pain,
run away,
I slash through this hurt,
and know when I feel the need,
I'll cut myself,
and watch all my pain leave,
only to return,
when I don't need,
to feel this hurt,
but in the end,
it brings me to my knees,
don't know what else to do,
seems I can't rise to my feet,
found out,
my heart no longer beats,
and in my head,
all these voices SCREAM!!!!
I feel the end is near,
I've reached the point,
were I break,
were finally,
I feel....INSANITY.....
|
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| The End To My Pain & Agony |
[05 Nov 2005|12:26am] |
feeling all this again,
the rage flowing through my veins,
forgotten the source of all this pain,
screaming, these voices in my head,
tell me to stab each of my friends,
stab them until there dead,
promising it will end my pain,
as they all screamed,
and I stabbed and stabbed,
they all cried and asked why?
but I laughed,
and as they laid there bleeding,
begging for mercy and pity,
I couldn't help,
but to stab once more,
delivering the last blow,
standing above the last grave,
I close the second to last casket,
but this hurt still resides in me,
and these voices are still in my head,
only now there laughing,
now there telling me,
I have only ONE more kill to make,
they say to look behind,
and there on the wall,
hangs a mirror,
with my own reflection...starring back.....at me......
|
|
| My World Is No More.... |
[26 Oct 2005|03:04pm] |
awake I've been,
laying in this horrid place,
hoping that with time,
I will put an end,
to all this pain of mine,
it seems that this bleeding never ends,
I've come to realized that alone,
I cannot survive,
and this place in which I lay,
has made me loose,
everything I've known,
pain is all I feel,
all the love I once felt,
has turned to hate,
that seeps through every pour,
done all I can,
sliced open the veins,
and now I watch my blood pour out,
but the pain this wound produce,
is nothing compared to the bruises,
that are stained on my black heart,
as pus seeps out this hole,
I realize my heart,
is the one laying on the floor,
griping sliced vein,
I remember the reason why,
realized that I,
have teared out my heart,
feeling as if I'm dead,
silence it goes away,
as my shouts of pain,
bounce of these walls,
and back into my head,
this is why I know.....,
my world is.....no more......
|
|
| Shrouded In Shadows pt. 2 |
[14 Oct 2005|03:09pm] |
laying in this puddle of pus,
images of the things I love,
run in and out of my head,
all these things I will miss,
here in this room in which I lay,
lies a single clock,
reminding me that I'm slowly,
rotting away with every tick and tock,
been living on this brink of insanity,
but this loneliness that controls me,
is forcing me to live,
telling me what I should think,
demanding how I should speak,
no more can I simply breath,
this illness is my master,
and I am it's slave,
it lives deep within me,
living of what I eat,
each day my screams grow louder,
but it seems that I alone,
can only hear my shouts,
through all this pain and agony,
I find there's no point in getting up,
if I'm just gonna stumble and fall,
so mark my words,
and believe my story,
what I say aren't lies,
but pigments of my life.........
|
|
| Imprisoned In Shadows pt.1 |
[01 Oct 2005|06:03pm] |
been too long now,
since I've seen the sky,
without the dark clouds,
but slowly I wake,
while the walls around me,
have been slowly crumbling,
I rise and begin stumbling,
my fear has overpowered me,
I have no control over this,
been waiting in darkess ,
alone my eyes get watery,
but I've got no tears to cry,
this paper and pen,
are what keep me breathing,
only in this darkness,
do I have this fear to live,
since I've entered this horrid place,
I've cease to exist,
griping what seems to be,
the reality that I see,
this doesn't seem to be real,
but as I hold up this blade,
and slowly slice open my vein,
with a hammering pain,
all emotions are released,
but no no blood leaks from this wound,
instead I see a clear yellow goo,
slowly I begin to rise,
only to stumble and fall.......once.......again........
|
|
| Dreaming Hurt |
[23 Aug 2005|11:45pm] |
I wanna wake up from this dream,
this dream that seems to be my reality,
cause I've been stumbling,
walking the streets tumbling,
but if I wake,
then with my life,
I'll be juggling,
cause in the true reality,
finding you,
may not be a possibility,
and in this lifetime,
I may never breath,
without feeling pain,
deep inside of me,
so if you hear someone screaming,
as you walk down the streets,
it's just me,
getting a peak,
at what it be,
if I woke from this dream,
cause in this dream that I see,
the sun don't shine near me,
but yet I know,
if I would to wake,
you won't be there,
to take me away,
from all this.......HURT.........
|
|
| Bleed... |
[10 Aug 2005|11:57pm] |
watching the moon,
glistening high above the night sky,
air getting cold and thin,
how much longer,
do I have, to live?
this will never end,
don't know how to stop it,
can't remember,
why all this started,
this loneliness,
has become my disease,
through my pores,
my life seems to seep,
no one wants to help,
internally I've been bleeding,
I cough up blood,
before I begin sleeping,
screaming when I wake,
but silence swallows my screams,
pain grows more intense,
as I continue to bleed,
there's no were to hide,
when your willing to die,
to have one painless night,
been bleeding so long,
my vision's so unclear,
doesn't surprise me,
when things aren't what they appear,
need to find a cure for my disease,
before all this bleeding,
puts an end,
to all this ....screaming....
|
|
| Pain |
[04 Aug 2005|07:43pm] |
as another shadow is cast,
I inhale what might be,
my very last breath,
all the wonders of the world,
I can't seem to see,
fear I am blinded,
by that which makes me lonely,
emptiness is what's in me,
hollow I have become,
been laying here,
waiting patiently like a stone,
thoughts of my future,
now begin to unfold,
laying on my death bed,
all alone,
not saying a word,
as no one is there to mourn,
motionless I lay,
none seem to care,
that I'm leaving this world,
these thoughts come and go,
but each day I feel more cold,
hoping the day will arrive,
when I can finally,
walk away from this....
.........pain..........
|
|
| Untill I'm Not Alive.... |
[26 Jul 2005|01:30am] |
now that the battle has ended,
the war has just begun,
I sleep hoping the sun,
may never rise,
just too tired,
of living each day in disguise,
been laying here,
searching for what too say,
but I've been left,
with nothing inside,
can't help but carry all this,
it's too much,
I'm damaged inside,
left here,
with nothing to live for,
don't care much for my life,
I'll carry all this,
and leave nothing behind,
looking at myself,
I can't help but wonder,
do I seem as ugly to you?
as I seem to me?
I'm beeing eating alive,
by what I carry inside,
been peeling off,
all the scar tissue I could find,
doesn't seem to hurt,
when I pull off the new skin,
but hurt is all I've lived with,
and I'll carry all this......,
......UNTILL I'M NOT ALIVE........
|
|
| Through Out These Years |
[03 Jul 2005|05:48pm] |
nothing has changed in the past few years,
the sun has risen, I'm sheeting the same tears,
sitting alone, realizing I'm living my biggest fears,
inside, my heart hangs by a cob web,
through out these years, on the inside I have died,
been searching endlessly for that which will complete me,
searching for that which will bring me back alive,
at night I wish for something I never had,
but simply writing these words,
don't take away this pain I have,
I now realize that both my mind and body are dying,
slowly but eventually my life cycle will be complete,
if no one saves me, of loneliness I will have died,
laying in this dark corner I continue to write,
these words that have become my life,
coughing cold blood,
realized I have now begun to die,
having no more energy to continue this fight,
now begins the internal struggle,
my strength slowly disappears,
the sun rises and the day of my demise...closer it appears......
|
|
| True or Dream |
[18 Jun 2005|12:18am] |
as I wake I can't seem to believe,
that this is the life I live,
wishing tomorrow never comes,
I fall to pieces sleeping alone,
attempting to hide my feelings in the day,
night falls and I can't escape this pain,
staring into a mirror I can see,
that not much is left of me,
inside a void fills me,
my nightmares have cease to exist,
since this pain prevents my sleep,
this paper and pin have become my companions,
this pin lets me bleed,
every felling I can breath,
with this paper I'm allowed to scream,
all emotions I meet,
can't tell if this is true or dream,
alone I cannot save myself,
son't know if I should even try,
seems easier if I just die.....
|
|
| Lay My Burden Down |
[05 Jun 2005|09:55pm] |
when I first came to my senses,
I realized my burden still existed,
this loneliness wasn't lifted,
paralyzed where I stood,
found the hole that once leaked red liquid,
for now I lay my burden aside,
there is another war to fight,
but I am just one shadow of the sun,
I alone can't get the job done,
this world needs our assistance,
so I'll continue my persistence,
through my words I can lay my burden down,
or simply speak from within,
here is where I feel my sorrow,
at night is when I write my pain,
never have I felt so hollow,
serenity is what I wish to find,
alone I do not wish to die,
but until this burden is lifted,
the'll be a hole in me,
growing slowly.....as long....as I breath.....
|
|
| Leave My Hurt Behind |
[22 May 2005|11:25pm] |
screaming into silence,
trying to release all anger and sorrow,
but simply being myself,
doesn't bring a better tomorrow,
all the hate and greed in our world,
has caused my heart to start leaking,
as another innocent life is lost,
I continue this internal bleeding,
attempting to sedate this pain,
but a simple click of a button,
I see another dead face,
finding salvation and serenity,
are the reasons I'm still breathing,
everything I feel leads to hurt,
thats expected in a world so bitter and cold,
as another drop of blood leaks from my heart,
I seem to wonder if we have no soul???
sick and tired I have become with this world,
but she lets us suffer for what we've done,
now I realize that sleeping doesn't stop the pain,
instead I wake in pieces......dying in bed.......
|
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| Hopes and Dreams |
[18 May 2005|12:21am] |
all the shit I see each day,
would make any man shed tears of sorrow,
this is the reason a "god" doesn't exist for me,
Earth is covered in hate and greed,
only a few dream,
dreams of helping one another,
a life without violence and injustice,
I am one who tries to spread this peace,
but I am just one voice,
makes me wonder when I'll leave this place,
death is the only guarantee we have in life,
for years I've been searching for serenity,
but in a world of heartless people,
peace of mind is nowhere to find,
as the hands help tell time,
I see no change,
nothing seems strange,
as I write these words,
I seem to understand those who take their own lives,
they leave this place before their time,
they find an early exist and free their mind,
walking down the streets I see how we treat mother earth,
treating her as if she was a simple commodity,
we pollute her air and destroy her land,
I am hopping to find more like me,
or simply the one who will set me free...
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| Freedom of Speech |
[09 May 2005|11:51pm] |
just one of many rights were guaranteed,
but our president uses our rights,
as a brain washing machine,
saying were in war so our rights we can keep,
adding that Saddam was partly at fault,
for what happened with the towers and the planes,
but we all know Bin Laden took the blame,
soldiers hunted him for a few days,
then the search came to an end,
Bush said they had Bin Laden cornered,
then pointed the finger at Hussein,
he was forced to run and hide,
now our soldiers are fighting a war,
a so call war on "Terror" in Iraq,
but what about the problems we have???
supposedly were freeing the Iraqi's,
but why are the innocent dying???
I guess they are being freed with each bomb we drop,
our infantry is liberating Iraqi's by taking their lives,
let the truth be told about death's of innocent Iraqi's,
there dropping like flies because our president spoke lies,
he started this war to obtain more oil,
sending our infantry mainly of Latino's and Black's,
while he wipes his ass......
with immigrant paid taxes......!!!!
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garf1's journal
